[Thomas Waters, R.M., to his wife, Elizabeth]
Addressed to Mrs Capt.Waters R.M., King Street, Woolwich, Kent
Birmingham 15 July 1840
My dear Wife,
You have troubles indeed upon your mind, I wish it were in my power to relieve you from them but I can only pray to the Almighty that he will enable you to bear them, we know that if they can be supported for a time, that in the course of nature a change must take place for the better, how soon, of course, we cannot say, the Almighty only knows but we are taught by the Holy Scriptures that the Lord will support the afflicted when they put their trust in him, and you know he has never forsaken you in the time of need and I am sure He will not now, your troubles at present are heavy, it would be to little purpose for me to attempt to comfort you, it would be like preaching a sermon to people when they want victuals, you want to have your cause for sorrow lessened, and not to be told do not trouble yourself so, things will come right at last, those that be whole need not a Physician but those that be sick, and it is a cold comfort to be told, O you must bear it up with a stout heart, when one ought to know that you do the best that you can for the general good, it is laying on an additional vexation as Jobs friends did to him, it is more becoming and more comforting to endeavour to assuage grief by condolence than either by pity or by persuasion, and I do feel for your load of troubles and am indeed sorry that I cannot in any way mitigate them, I can only hope and trust in the Almighty that all will go right, many is the time that you have shown extraordinary firmness and I trust that your confidence in yourself by the Almighty’s Blessing will not forsake you now when you are so much in need of it, you in this very letter, which you have just sent me, show a strong proof of firmness and perseverance in the midst of your afflictions and with almost disabled limbs to turn too to write when you may be supposed hardly to have the power to think or to collect your thoughts, and I feel much gratified at your endeavouring to open your sorrows to your husband who alone is the proper person who should endeavour to share your griefs and your afflictions,(and he does share them although he cannot lighten them,) not by attempting to comfort you, for that now would be misplaced, but by relying on Gods Mercy with a firm hope that He who knows all your sorrows will not suffer you to sink under them. Your Letter I would have answered yesterday and perhaps you think I ought to have done so, but I was out on rather a long walk and did not return until latish in the afternoon when I had the happiness to find your letter on the table, but I thought it to be too serious to be hastily answered and therefore I thought it better to defer it until next day for fear I might omit saying anything that I might afterwards think I ought to have said- With respect to the Doctor, you never saw Mr.Barnard until he came to deliver you, Mr.Maul was engaged by you and him you had seen but he was away when you wanted him and yet you had an excellent delivery, and so in this case if Mr.John Butler thinks it not necessary to see you beforehand, you need not be uneasy about it, and with respect to some one to assist in your confinement, why all come to all you can send for Ann and perhaps she may be able to tell you whom you may have, Ellen’s mother is a very weak minded foolish woman and the consequence is she will never be out of trouble but in the mean time you are suffering from anxiety through her folly, I think you had better endeavour to fix your eye upon some one else and then tell Ellen plainly that if she intends to leave she had better leave at once and not to keep you in a continual state of suspence, that will be coming to the point at once- I hope you have parted with the Pigeons, endeavour to lighten your mind as much as possible from external troubles and I hope the others will follow by degrees if we can but hold up for a time, and as long as we do all we can for the general household good, there is a satisfaction in it that we know we can do no more but must wait the result come what will, as for washerwomen it is hard to get one who can be depended upon, they are such a dissatisfied set of mortals in general and so improvident that with all their large earnings there are but a few of them that are anything the better for it in the end, they so waste their hard earnings away upon gluttony and guzzling and gossiping about, but I think seriously that if you could get a good servant, although she would cost a little more a year it would be highly advisable for I think it would tend very much to calm your mind which is now kept in a constant state of agitation, quite opposed to what it ought to be in your present pregnant state, I am confident it will be better with us, not long first, only let us have patience, with perseverance in the right way- I think it so very great a want of accomodation in Mrs.Warden’s refusing to cash your bill after your having laid out so much ready money with her that I would never deal with her again, she has shown herself so undeserving of your ready money custom when so many would be glad to get it, what would it be if you were in difficulties? I suppose you would have no peace until you had paid her the uttermost farthing, I should always look with suspicion upon such people and keep as much from them as possible and rather benefit those who we may suppose would benefit us again, when we needed it as in this case, but if you find yourself at a loss with respect to getting cash for your bills you have only to write to the Agent and he will send you the money down, you will only have to write back again a common note acknowledging that you have received it, as I do when I get cash from the agent. What think you if you were to try the Post Office grocers I think I have heard they are nice obliging people to deal with, I do not know whether the Meuxes deal with them or not, but it appears to me to be a respectable well conducted shop and when we are not satisfied with the place that we are dealing at, it is best to leave it and endeavour to pitch upon a place that we have more confidence in, and if they are an obliging sort of people at the Post Office they may be able to advise you the best way at any time how to send letters abroad, they can at times give useful advise I have no doubt, however judge for yourself and if you think of somebody that you believe would suit you as well or better by all means deal with that person for you are likely to be a better judge than I am upon such a matter where I am now, I merely attempt to help your recollection- I cannot help thinking that Ellen’s mother assisted to make the washerwoman dissatisfied having some object, I think, in view, she certainly seems more inclined to add to your troubles than to relieve you from them, you will do right to buy a carpet and a stuff frock a piece for the children when you think proper, you will of course draw upon the Saving Bank whenever you deem it necessary for your own use, the cash is placed in the Bank in your name for that purpose. I could wish John to have patience for a while now that he has done what I wished him to do viz. spoken to Mr.Millar himself about his wish to be removed into another department of the Manufactory, I wish him now to wait for a favourable opportunity to offer, when he may again make a movement, but I do not think he will derive any benefit from another person’s speaking, for him, excepting one of the establishment may interest himself for him, in the mean time I would lose no opportunity of improving myself, practice will make him more skillful jn what he has already learned and I dare say he may gather some additional knowledge where he is, at all events I trust he will omit no opportunity of pleasing those, whose interest it is to please, he will still push on, I hope, and not seem displeased whatever his feelings may be, and by that means bring himself into favourable
notice, John has too much good sense to show sulky particularly when it would be so much against his interest, Their is a tide in the affairs of people but they must wait for it, we cannot force circumstances but when they offer lay firm hold of them and by no means let them slip, but the knack is to know when they do offer and how to make use of events, which I must leave to John’s judgment and I have no doubt his good sense will prompt him if he will have patience for a little while and wait the opening to solicit for what he wants, when he is in want of funds for any particular purpose let him apply to me and I will endeavour to supply him.
With best Affection to you and children I remain your devoted Husband
Thos. Waters – the adhesive stamp should be placed on the upper right side of the front of the letter