From Thomas Waters Sr. to his wife Elizabeth Waters (September 20, 1840)

[Thomas Waters, R.M., to his wife, Elizabeth]
Addressed, to Mrs Capt.Waters R.M., King Street, Woolwich, Kent

Birmingham 20 Sept.1840

My Dear Wife,

Your Letter of the 3rd certainly was not put into the Post office the same day, it was given to a man or a boy who did not put it into the Office until the next day, it is of no consequence as it happens, only some one has told you a story but it is not worth a while to say anything more about it. Hindle’s youngest boy has the Hooping cough and his two eldest boys are unmanagable, himself is very often in liquor, he must get a great deal of money, for by his account he is often sending home money and useful things. Your Brother’s letter with its enclosure a five pound note must have been of great comfort to your mind, coming as it did unexpectedly, and it seems by your letter when much needed a proof we should never despair, for if we can but preserve our fortitude something will turn up in time to relieve our distress if we hope in Providence which, in my opinion, is the real meaning of removing Mountains if we have faith, (and which seems to us utterly impossible in our deep distress unless some Guardian Angel comes to our aid and whispers comfort,) and with our best endeavours for the general good, wait patiently for God’s good Providence, but I think that prayer without working to the best in our power is of little avail but of course I mean working or doing only, not over working or doing beyond our natural strength which in my opinion would be folly. There it is, that in many parts of the Scriptures there is so much comfort to be found for the mind, a balm for the wounded spirit, a medicine for all disorders, as they will suggest to us what would be best to do, but there it is that Faith is necessary, if we have that, in Providence all will go well, come what will, that is to say with our reasonable exertions-  I shall send home the bills the first opportunity, the Balance Bill of course you will take particular care of, as it will be a satisfaction to you now and then to see how our accounts stand with your brother, I am in hopes they are prospering but in God’s Providence you know is all our trust-  In my last letter but one I suggested to you what I thought was best to be done with respect to the children’s school, if your Neighbours leave the house next to you it is probable they will not move far off, with respect to Miss Evans, it is probable that Captain Herriot will inform you what sort of Instructer she is likely to make, the distance is not great, if the young ladies are duly gratified for their intended undertaking, cheapness even in our confined circumstances is not so much an object to be considered, that is to say in a small way, as ability with a conscientious discharge of the duties which Instructers undertake which are so very important to those committed to their charge, our childrens welfare depending so much upon it and with it our own Happiness in our children’s conduct-  I am very much pleased with John’s Present to you, a dinner tray, it is the best sort of present from him his own manufacture, and a useful one too, our children’s love to their Parents and affection for each other are far more valuable to us than what is commonly called duty to their Parents, it is the childrens love which I value and which is even now repaying us for our anxiety, doing a thing because they think it their duty is right no doubt, but how are they to know when they have finished their duty to their Parents, to say their duty is never finished is nonsense, to suppose that Parents are to be a burthen to their children as long as they live is in my opinion a hardship and out of the question, but to do any thing for love is more gratifying on both sides, the children feel a great pleasure that what they do pleases the Parents and the parents feel grateful to the Almighty that they have such good children, therefore let us continue to endeavour to deserve our children’s love and their duty will follow as a matter of course and let us thank God for it, for where real love is duty will not be far off, in deserving children’s love it is not by humouring them and letting them have all their own ways for that would be spoiling them, for they are not likely to know what is right as well as their Parents, but it is for the Parents to do what they think is conscienciously right for the children, as an Instructer would who would not allow the children to be playing when they ought to be studying, neither should parents give the children all they ask, right or wrong, because they ask for it and that they will be vexed if they do not get it, but give them a reason for refusing their request if you can, and they will be unreasonable if they will not be satisfied with a parent’s reason- 

Your milk I have no doubt is now too poor and not enough of it to afford the Infant sufficient nourishment.  I am glad you are giving it a little food. a little ginger in the food must be good for the child in its present state, and I dare say that that treatment will get the child round , poor little Innocent. I imagine Mr.Baird is a tolerable good judge of children’s ailments from his patient, mild, and studious manner, and I have no doubt he will be able to prescribe what is necessary, any time, for the infant, and I should send to him a note when I thought it advisable, or even to Doctor Parkin who, no doubt would attend himself, we may not altogether like his manner but we must not mind that when he can do us good and it causes others to be more attentive, you know the benefit you derived from him when I was in the Maidstone and he will not be less attentive to us now when needed, you know in this World we stoop to rise, we cannot jump without stooping.  I should settle with Mr.Butler as soon as possible, write a note to him requesting him to send his bill and afterwards let Benjamin or some one else call every two or three days until you get the bill, I am aware it will be a relief to your mind when it is settled, and I know I should like to have it over-  I think if you were to knit a pair of socks from the black cotton which I sent you, have them washed and mangled they will not be amiss, knit them loose and the mangling will flatten and fill up and make them delightful for winter wear, think how coarse those yarn stockings are which are worn in the Country, and for some time the more they are washed the thicker they are, which I believe will not be the case with the mangled cotton ones-  A little liquorice or sugar-candy will be good for Sarah I imagine-

I have cut into Mary’s loaf it is very nice and I have no doubt the cake is also but I have not tryed it, I am much obliged to Mary for the trouble she has taken for me, but I would rather go without the cake and the loaf than that she should get up so very early in the morning on my account, make my love to her and to John and indeed to all the children for I dare say they are all anxious to please us as far as their tender capacities will allow them, but dear children all in good time, we have only to have patience with them and I have no doubt they will repay our expectations by their endeavours to make themselves useful in the World when they are able- 

so no more at present but remain my dear Wife
yours most affectionately

    Tho^s. Waters

I believe a Prudent, experienced mother the best doctor, in general, for a tender Infant as well as the best nurse for it, strangers cannot perceive the infant’s feelings as well as the mother can, infants, this weather, require something cordial to its bowels that is at the same time not too heating or inflaming, I dare say it has occasionally the wind on its stomach as well as yourself.  I hope you will find the needles good and of a proper size, I believe they will take no hurt by lying by if kept dry, I am glad you like the paper I bought it of the nephew of rather a celebrated, (but what is called a quaint,) writter Mr.Hutton who, the Uncle, was so poor when he came to Birmingham that he slept the first night in the street not having sufficient to pay for a night’s lodging, afterwards by his industry and carefulness he made a large fortune, leaving the business to a nephew, he retired a short distance in the country where he kept his carriage. he has been dead some years leaving a son and a daughter who live, unmarried, independent, in separate houses near each other both I believe eccentric.

get the children the clothes you think they want, I am thankful you have the £5 I would be glad it were more for your sake, get the oven put to right when you think proper, it will be well if you can get the cocoa at 9d pr lb, John can have 1 or 2 lbs of it.  I am glad Nancy is taking a good nap I hope she is better.