From Thomas Waters Sr. to his wife Elizabeth Waters (July 19, 1840)

[Thomas Waters, R.M., to his wife, Elizabeth]

Addressed to Mrs Capt.Waters R.M., King Street, Woolwich, Kent

Birmingham 19 July 1840

My Dear Wife,

I think you work much too hard and the girl has been spoiled by being begged to stay, when she showed dissatisfied it would have been better to have said to her, “if you wish to go, go, but if you wish to stay, stay, but do not keep threatening to go and yet not go,”  it is a cause of continual vexation and if she had gone when she first threatened, probably long before this you may have suited yourself, as for words the fewest with her or her mother are best, however you will do right to have Mrs.Hasledine in the house with you if you think proper and you can get her but you had better agree with her about how much you are to give her a week until the day of your confinement and the month’s nursing to commence from the date of your confinement, otherways you may run a risk of her leaving you in the midst of the month if a great temptation to that end should offer, if she suited you I wish it were convenient for you always to have her, an even temper with industrious and prudent habits are great blessings, at Marchwood you had the Nurse from Southampton with you some time before you were confined, if you remember I went for her on a Sunday, be sure to instruct Benjamin what Doctor to go for, John and I made a sad blunder in your last confinement,  If a girl should offer that you thought would suit I think it would be most advisable to engage her, otherwise you may not be able to suit yourself when you wish.  With respect to Mr.Butler it is very improbable that he is going to retire from business, so young as he is, and I suppose not very rich, but as he has a large house in Rectory Place which he has been living in for some time and as he is well established in his business of course he would not keep on the house in High Street at a useless expense and it is very probable he has parted with it to great advantage to one of the profession, it is like selling the good-will of the house for the benefit of his late brother’s family without in any way parting with his own business, although, if he does not take a partner, it is very likely he will recommend the gentleman, who has taken the house, to some of his patients when he cannot, or is not inclined to, attend himself, at all events with our best endeavours, in God is all our trust and with that you have nothing to fear-  I think you would have made but a bad business of it to have come here with the family, and Thomas just fitting out to go abroad, in the midst of Winter and with our irritable tempers in your present state I think it by far the best as it is, particularly, when I left home I did not know how soon I might be called in again, neither can I tell now, and to have parted with our furniture, and the house probably upon our hands until Midsummer would have been the right road to ruin, as it is all must be right at last.  Mary is a good and very deserving girl and I pity her but I trust in Providence her happiness will not be forgotten,  I can only say that I strive in my mind for the mutual benefit of you all, and therefore she cannot be forgotten and she is fully entitled to recreation whenever she thinks proper to take it, I shall be happy to send her a little money for that purpose whenever she may give me to understand that she needs it, I wish for her sake that I could send her much instead of little but I am sorry to have to say that that is not in my power at present, what with Thomas’ fitting out and the probability of myself having soon to fit out keeps my finances low and my wants high, I do not disapprove of Mary’s going over to Limehouse to see her brother whenever she likes to go.  Doctor Guy I suppose, by his name, is a Scotch-man, you say that Doctor Guy’s is the only name on the Dispensary door, now if Mr.Butler had parted with his business to Mr.Guy it would be on the door, I have no doubt, Guy late Butler, therefore I consider it a clear proof that the business has not changed hands, Keep your mind easy, keep your mind easy and be composed, what you cannot do now leave to do until another time and if it cannot be done then, leave to time and opportunity and say God’s Will be done. difficulties there are in all situations of life and why should there not be in ours, I know their is a plenty of real distress in Birmingham, it is true a vast deal of it I have no doubt has been brought on by imprudence but the innocent children are equally sufferers as if they had been guilty, when it was not they but their parents who were in fault, I pity the poor children who have no one to help them, as for us thank God we can help ourselves as yet, whatever may be, I wish I could relieve you from your Physical pains and I think your Mental pains would soon follow, but as I cannot I have nothing to recommend but patience and the old remedy perseverance in what you think best.  I am glad you have been able to furnish Mrs.Nicolls with a young Canary for she is our best friend after all and has done us more good than all our other friends together, may the Almighty preserve her-  I am afraid that the buck and the doe are kept within hearing of each other and for that reason the rabbet will not attend to her young, I recommend trying the experiment of putting the doe in her hutch out in the back yard or up in the root house if there is room, perhaps a change may be of benefit, and let the buck be in the pigsty and not be suffered near the doe at all in the garden, it is nothing like trying, if one way will not do another may, Benjamin should give her a change of food such as milky-thistles dandelions and other wild herbs that rabbets are fond of, and I think she may be cured of her evil propensity- Let Hindle’s wife have a Pound for him on the 1st of next month and by the next escort I hope to send up some money for that purpose.  John when he wants money for footing, or garnish I believe it is called, shall have it from me if he will let me know how much, when it is wanted, you see I endeavour to provide for all contingencies what can I do more? I do not wish or expect you to work so hard, I cannot do it myself, I let you have all the money I can for your support and the family’s what can I do more?  He who governs all knows what is best for us and we must endeavor to fulfil our lot in the best way we can-
However to wind up all may the Almighty preserve and bless you and make you a happy mother of a joyful family is the prayer of your Affectionate Husband

Tho^s. Waters

With best love to my dear dear children for I hope they will be all good and do what their Mamma wishes them, and Benjamin and his younger sisters will endeavour to please Mary also, and then I am sure they will always have their Brother John’s love. I hope to be home in February and then who will be kinder to them than their Papa, Elizabeth is good and Sarah I am sure will be good and Jane must not be cross and then we will dance and sing and make the whole house ring