From Thomas Waters Sr. to his wife Elizabeth Waters (June 5, 1840)

[Thomas Waters, R.M., to his wife, Elizabeth]

Addressed to Mrs Capt.Waters R.M., King Street, Woolwich, Kent

Birmingham 5 June 1840

My Dear Wife,

I am sorry to find Mary has been so indisposed, her getting round again is a satisfaction and I hope she will be soon herself again and that she will attend well to her bowels, so necessary to her health, to keep them regular, she needed not to have gone to the Dispensary to have a tooth out, if a note had been written in your name for that purpose to one of the assistant Surgeons I should hope he would have attended at your house or at least have sent you notice when he could have been seen. I should advise you to get your Coal in at the proper time, to last till the latter end of February, I do not at present see any prospect of being called in before, there is one comfort that one third of the time is nearly past and it is better to be here than at Sea as less expensive and we can keep up a regular correspondence, you can acquaint me with any thing you wish and I can return you my advice in a very short time, which you know in a family is of use sometimes, whereas at Sea it may take us three or four months to hear from each other, one great thing is to make up our minds to every thing that may happen, as we do not know what To-morrow may bring forth, we must endeavour to avoid being taken by surprise, particularly in pecuniary matters.  I think you will make but a bad business of the six hundred pounds if you had it in your hands to buy a house with it in Woolwich where you can hardly get any thing but leasehold, and in a place where we do not wish to spend all our lives and a house that may be quite convenient for us now, may not be so when I am promoted which I hope will not be many years first, when it is very probable that I may be moved to another division and what shall we do with the house then, sell it at a loss or endeavour to let it and not be able to get a tenant but at a low rent and that sometimes not paid, and then a house-agent must be employed and perhaps the house neglected and ill-used whereas now our house is occupied and the property improving in value, it is bringing in something anually, it is not likely to be untenanted, at least long, and we can wait our opportunity to dispose of it to advantage, either to divide among our children or to purchase a spot for ourselves when we settle down for good

, money is a sad thing to play with, in unskillful hands, it is so apt to make itself wings to fly away with. therefore keep it fast where it is at present or be content to sell cheap and but dear and then perhaps to sell again, such is my advice, judge for yourself the property is yours dispose of it as you like.  I do not intend to write to your Brother, I do not think his letter needs an answer, I cannot say any thing that will be satisfactory to him and I do not wish to say any thing that may be unpleasant, I am not satisfied, his letter is very unsatisfactory, if his accounts had been regularly kept and the bills and receipts, if receipted, put together he might as easily have forwarded them at once as “in a week or two” and I suppose the alteration that has been made or is making will be an expence in addition to the £8.12.5 – Your Brothers letters, generally, leave us in twilight, I thought Mr.Foreman had the house and both stables at 28£ a year and that he was to give 5£ more or quit, now it appears that one stable is let to another person, at what rent I do not know but I should suppose, by my calculation £5.10. Your brother says “through the above agreement I have been obliged to expend money on the house, particulars of which I will send the first leisure opportunity” why he should be obliged to expend money I cannot conceive when he knew we wished it not to be done, in alterations, and the premises had a thorough repair not long since which he said would last several years, and besides why not send the particulars at once and relieve us from ignorance of what is going on, one might suppose that a very few minutes would have done it and there would be an end to it without having to begin again and taking up fresh time, and I do think he might as well have paid the postage and charged it in his Accounts letters so much, no people know the value of postage better than people in business do, but however for that I wish nothing to be said, only between ourselves, but you must think with me that he might as well have sent the bills and receipts at once in his letter, it could not have made more than one minute difference in time-  I am aware that it is necessary to make great allowance for what we do not see but only guess at, and that things that may appear in one view rather cloudy, in another may be as bright as noon-day, your Brother, no doubt is acting, for he may think is, for the best, and likely enough we should do no better, if so well, if we were on the spot, we are apt now and then to think to the contrary it is true, and we cannot help it, at all events let us be cautious in what we say to him, that we may not give offence or in any way hurt his feelings, let us never bring on family quarrels, we do right I think to speak our minds to each other for our mutual improvement and to clear up doubts, for between husband and Wife there should be nothing doubtful if possible, but all as clear as the Sun can make it.  Very great allowance should be made for your Brother’s being engaged in a depressed business, his increasing family under difficult circumstances, his wife’s family being involved, and his having nothing to hope for from his own side, all depends upon, mainly, his own health and exertions, and I think there is a degree of shyness with his Uncle Edmund which is injurious to himself, all these things and others taken together tend very much to cloud and impede his faculties, they are enough to depress a very strong mind, whether his is strong I know not, but if it is strong enough to enable him to succeed in business and to bring up his family properly that will do.  My wish as well as interest is that we may all of a family live in concord with each other, which it appears to me is not an easy matter, while Providence has given us such different tempers and by our education we have acquired such different ways of thinking I think it almost impossible for all of us to be of one mind although with God all things are possible yet with man nothing is certain, but by our conduct we may make circumstances very probable-  You see I have stated my sentiments pretty freely on the subject, perhaps you will not be displeased, as I believe you like a long letter and to know what I think.  You say the rabbets have been moved near the elder tree, I said the buck might be moved there, if they are still kept within hearing of each other they might as well remain where they were, and perhaps better, as they had more room and were more out of the way.-  I think Ellen’s mother’s conduct foolish and rather impertinent, she had no business to ask what you thought of doing about the washing, the fool, she could take her daughter away, as she did before, without asking impertinent questions, it is not so much, it seems, that the daughter does, from her mother’s silly way of bringing her up in laziness and false pride, the work that she does she will take care will not hurt her, it will be well if the too little work that she is inclined to do does not hurt her, I think it will eventually, certainly it will not add to her respectably but rather derogate, greater shame for the daughter and mother to, and the father in stupidly upholding them in their want of propriety, you on the contrary do too much, particularly in your present state, I am afraid you are in great danger of hurting yourself very much  I would rather that you would, now at least, exert yourself less, and my dear good child Mary, I cannot expect nor do I wish for her to labour as she does, I am not afraid it will hurt her on the contrary I think it will do her good, and I wish it were in my power to make things more flourishing at home, but while I would be sorry for my family to starve this week from a fear of their starving next week, I must at the same time look out for the week after, and in fact endeavour to provide for them for the future, leaving you and daughter to follow your judgments to the best of your abilities. Things will go right at last, I trust in Providence for that blessing on our exertions-  You make a healthy use of your summer house, writing your letter there in this bracing weather. I hope from that you are entirely relieved from your cold, else I think it imprudent, however you have a right to think for yourself- Perhaps Mrs.Hasletine might be able to recommend you some young person, if Ellen should go, I shall be glad if she can-  I am glad she has engaged Mr Butler for you that is one comfort, may many other comforts attend it. Blessings to!

As John is providing materials for making an engine I directed him to ask you for money for that purpose and for you to place it to my account, he did not ask me for it but I am willing to forward the boy in his good intentions as much as I can. Love to Mary and the rest of the children. 

Yours Affectionately

           Tho^s. Waters