From Thomas Waters Sr. to his wife Elizabeth Waters (May 25, 1840)

[Thomas Waters. R.M., to his wife, Elizabeth]

Addressed to Mrs Capt.Waters R.M., King Street, Woolwich, Kent

Birmingham 25 May 1840

My Dear Wife,

I am quite happy that my two letters gave you pleasure and that my wish coincides with yours, I think it is the best that you can do in such a case to have Mr. John Butler [?Butter], it is the safest side in my opinion, particularly as your intended nurse is decidedly for him, for it is bad I think where the nurse is averse to the one who has the delivery, and we should do all that we can to leave nothing unfinished in such a critical affair and then we may rely upon it that the Almighty will do all that is needful, for we must not tempt or provoke the Almighty to forsake us and leave us to our

own foolish ways as Mrs.Clarkson did magnifying, as it were, or exulting in her own strength of constitution as if nothing could shake it, doing without a nurse when there was no one in the house capable of supplying the place of one, and what was the consequence, the children became complete orphans, perhaps, through that very circumstance, for as she had a good delivery and in perfect health and strength, it is evident I believe, to those who knew the circumstance that she died through sheer neglect, and her husband followed soon after, the children as you may say abandoned by their nearest relations and their hands and tongues turned as it were one against the other! Those who humble themselves shall be exalted and those who exalt themselves, upon their own strength shall be cast down.  Blessed be the Name of the Lord-  I hope you will gain comfort from the Cocoa, I drink nothing else in the day with a halfpenny worth of milk each time, morning and evening, and my appetite is keen beyond anything that you can almost imagine, two months ago two loaves would serve where now three will not, and notwithstanding some cold weather I have had a fire but one day these five weeks past, I brought a ball down with me which I picked up a long time ago in the Dockyard, and when I find myself cold or stiff or dull I turn to and tack that up and down in my lofty room and that soon makes me comfortable again-  I recommend the Cocoa to be boiled in a coffee pot, mine is, I think it is by far the most comfortable way. Tea I really believe is enervating, (although comforting,) that is to say it may be very wholesome in itself but I believe there is such tricks played with it for the sake of greater profit, such an adulteration of poisonous matter in it to give it a flavour to suit viciated palates, that I think it is the worst substance that is taken into the stomach in pure domestic life, that is in well ordered families, not of the highest or lowest or of dissipated habits, bad wines, we are told, and bad spirits are poisonously adulterated, but those are articles that well regulated families in confined circumstances generally dispence with, although they may be very useful in certain cases as calomel is, and so with respect to tea, I wish you to make use of it whenever you wish to have it. What a comfort it is that our children are so good, I shall love them better than ever, dear lambs that they give you so little trouble and Ellen to, I am glad she is kind and attentive, I really believe her to be a well disposed young woman, but we are not all brought up in habits most desirable for our good.  And so Jane talks every thing quite plain, anxious to make herself useful to you in gardening and to assist you in needlework, upon my word, if she does not do more harm than good it is well for you to have such a helpmate, but I rather suppose what she does is to undo, but however it is the way to learn to undo at last what is right, and no one should be blamed for striving after good intentions-  See the effect of bad management in the Engineer’s wife in Mulgrave place, four Pounds a week for a poor man’s wife and not make it do, why if she had fifty it would be the same, and only four children, and perhaps not one of them sent to school, how was that woman brought up, badly enough we may be assured, and now her generations after her will suffer to what extent we cannot tell. God help us all say I, sickness, penury and misery follow in the train of a dissipated, irregular, idle, sluggish, dirty, or slovenly life, may we go on in that right way which the Almighty has marked out for us all-  I am glad you do not intend to subscribe to the building of the National Schools, let those subscribe to them who can afford it, and those also who think it their duty to assist in taking care of others to the neglect of their own, and who will rather be generous where it is not so much needed or deserved than be honest in paying their just debts to their creditors who perhaps are sinking into poverty through the extravagance and pretended generosity of those who wish to be thought to be most charitable generous public spirited characters, I have no patience with such, I despise them, let them look at home and see if there is any thing wanting there, and we should not have so much poverty abroad, let them bring their families up in a proper degree of humility and not teach them to be so puffed up with false pride like the frog which strove to be as big as the ox and so bursted himself. 

Miss Nicoll’s letter expresses great good will, but with respect to John she does not consider that his time is not his own but his Masters and if it was, it is money from us which we cannot afford, for the more of his time that he takes from the factory the less wages he will have and we must supply the deficiency beside the probability of his offending Mr. Millar, who may not be pleased at his absenting himself so often, and it is decidedly his interest to get and preserve Mr. Millars good opinion of him, how is it that the Quakers increase so few in number, one would suppose that the multiplication of their families would increase them to an amazing extent, the fact is I believe it does not do to attempt to bring up children so very rigidly, it makes home and all its ways irksome to them, and when they can they break from it and follow other ways, reading the Scriptures constantly to the children, what attention do they pay to it, kneeling down often and praying do they attend to it, the more tasks they have to learn, do they like them the better, give them now and then some wholesome advice, some short pithy sentences and probably they may attend to them, but not to long dry discourses, the same thing over and over.

T.Waters